I remember right before getting married and for a few months into my marriage, it seemed everyone felt obligated to give us advice. People felt they needed to share the good, the bad, and the ugly about marriage from their perspective. Some advice I have held on to and tried to always live up to, like keeping God first not only in my life but in my marriage. Some advice was just so crazy that I could tell in that moment it was not worth remembering. Then there was that advice that I held on to until it proved to be a lie. One of the biggest lies I was told was that marriage is supposed to be 50/50. LIES!! God did not design it that way. Marriage is not supposed to be 50/50.
Yes, we each play a part in our marriage and have different roles. Husbands are called to be servant-leaders. While as wives, we are called to be helpmates. To truly be effective and prosper in those roles we cannot just give 50%, we must give 100%. When you are only giving your marriage 50%, that means that you are giving 50% to something else. No one wants to feel that your spouse is only half committed to them and their marriage.
This scripture holds so much truth for us in our marriages. If we are truly looking at the interests of our husbands and not at our own interest, how could we not want to give 100%? We should seek to serve each other wholeheartedly.
If I am truly honest with you, I strive to give my husband, Eric, a 100% for selfish reasons. I’ve learned after almost a decade of marriage that when I’m giving my all it inspires Eric to do the same. When he sees I’m doing all I can for our marriage and our family, he steps up as well. He will go out of his way to try to show his love and appreciation for me because he’s getting that in return.
Also, there will be seasons in your marriage where it will seem like it is not 100/100. You will feel like you are giving your all and your husband is just not, or vice versa. The reasons for this can be endless. This is where grace and love need to be at its highest. Your husband may be giving and doing all he can at that time based on circumstances. Or he may truly not know that there are things you need from him because you have not shared those with him.
I have experienced both. Eric is very career driven and works hard to provide for our family, it’s one of the many things I love about him. However, with this drive comes some sacrifice. He does not work a typical 9-5, so there are days he does not make it home for dinner and cannot make it to all the girls’ activities. Eric also travels for work sometimes, so there are times when he can be gone for days at a time. It may seem that I’m giving 100% and he’s not, but that could not be farther from the truth.
I have learned to not just appreciate, but admire that he does what he does not just for himself but also for me. God has blessed him with a job he loves and me the ability to stay home. Whenever I come to him with a need or want, if he cannot fulfill it himself he tries his best to provide a way to meet it. Now if that is not 100%, I don’t know what is.
Valuing someone else, namely your spouse, above yourself, does not mean you value yourself less. It means instead of being selfish, you are being selfless. Loving your husband as God has called you to, wholeheartedly. No longer believing the lie. Know that marriage is not supposed to be 50/50, but 100/100.
I’d love to hear about how you give 100% or
the worst piece of marriage advice you received in the comments!