There is no formula, so to speak, when it comes to determining if a guy is husband material because we are all works in progress. Yet, there are core characteristics to consider and it is possible to assess his character and motivation for his actions. There are three core characteristics that should be evident to determine if he has husband potential. (For the sake of discussion, I’m going to name your potential husband, Hu.)
1) Your potential husband must be willing to serve others
Becoming a husband is signing up for perpetual service. There will always be things that need to be done for others in a marriage and family. How often does Hu volunteer, support others, go out of his way, or put others before his own needs? Reflect on the biblical call for husbands.
Sacrifice requires elevating others needs above your own and letting some individual things go for the benefit of others. How often have you witnessed Hu sacrifice his time, energy, and resources for others receiving nothing in return? This will provide you a glimpse of what he may be willing to do in serving you as his wife and your home in the future. Hint: If it’s his world…you might want to explore another planet! In other words, keep it moving, on to the next one. An authentic man of God knows that the Lord will bless him for such efforts and he will remain faithful in serving others.
Ayanna and I have certainly had our challenges throughout our marriage. I vividly remember our twin daughters’ birth and having them at home soon after, praise the Lord!
Ayanna had a C-section so she required my assistance for every diaper change and every single feeding. Whether it was 2 pm or 2 am because she couldn’t pick both babies up for a couple weeks. Might I add we also had a two-year-old. The physical and emotional toll was real, yet it was an honor to be a husband and dad in that season. Joy comes in the morning, pun intended! You need a team player in a marriage that will be willing to sacrifice as there will be times that require it, it won’t necessarily be a choice per se. Think about those marriage vows…(cough) in sickness and in health.
2) Your potential husband must be a hard worker
Another important characteristic for Hu is work ethic.
It’s not about how much Hu earns in terms of dollars because if his heart is right along with yours, you’ll be able to effectively steward your resources as a married couple to meet your needs. God is certainly the provider, but if Hu is lazy, seeks shortcuts, or is looking to get more with less, he won’t be a vessel that the Lord can readily use. So take the time to assess Hu’s diligence, preparation, discipline, attitude, and commitment when it comes to making a living because it matters.
The profession itself also doesn’t matter as long as Hu is responsible and has a plan for his future that you can believe in. Does his vision for his life and future family desires align or complement yours? In a healthy marriage, the two will become one, so if future plans are contradictory or misaligned that could be cause for concern. Would you be willing to get into a car and travel with someone without knowing the destination? So why would you make a commitment to travel with someone for a lifetime without a roadmap or an agreed upon destination?
3) Your potential husband should have other healthy relationships
Hu’s relationships are the most important indicator of his readiness to become a husband. First, does he know Jesus as his Lord and Savior? How’s his relationship with God? God is love, so for Hu to truly love you, he must know the King of kings for himself.
I’m not talking about attending church, how faithful his parents are, or his belief in God. Navigating life will require supernatural strength, wisdom, discernment, and faith to overcome, persevere, and thrive. If there is no personal relationship with the Lord, Hu will be limited by what he can do in his own strength. In other words, there will be a ceiling on his life. So if you don’t have any plans to explore, grow, and mature beyond where you are today then Hu might be ok. If you want to experience the plans the Lord has for you (Jeremiah 29:11), you should seek a man after God’s own heart.
Furthermore, how are Hu’s relationships with women of significance in his life? This could be his mother, grandmother, sister, niece, or others. A mature man will have a certain level of honor and respect for such women. He understands the role they have played in nurturing and encouraging him to get to where he is today. If he lacks respect for women or thinks men are superior, he’s not ready for marriage. Wives are co-heirs of the promises of God in a marriage.
You don’t want your prayers hindered and should want peace and blessings to flow in your marriage like a river (Isaiah 66:12).
As a husband, it’s all about servant leadership. Where serving others is a call and privilege. Yes, I said privilege because the Lord can certainly use someone else to do the things he won’t. Therefore, invest the time early in a relationship to assess his husband potential so you can pivot if necessary to discover the husband for you.
Let me know your thoughts and experiences regarding knowing
whether or not your man is husband material in the comments.