If you were to ask most wives, including yourself, ‘Do you love your husband?’ The answer would immediately be yes. I know I love my husband and love being married to him. Yet, if we go a little deeper and I was to ask you a similar question, ‘Do you love the husband you have?’ Would the true answer be as immediate and would the answer the answer be yes?
Love is an action, not a feeling. At every wedding I have ever been to, including my own, 1 Corinthians 13 4-8, is quoted in some way or some form. Whether on the invitations, in the vows, or spoken by the officiant. With all the things these verses say about what love is, it never refers to our feelings. It requires us to take action and act. In the beginning, putting your love into action is almost effortless. Yet as time goes on, careers take off, kids are born, and life just happens, things change.
As time goes by and years between your wedding day and today get further and further apart, things change and so do people. So the man you married all those months or years ago is probably not the same man he is today, and neither are you the same woman. Yet, despite the changes that we may go through, the commitment we made to him and God remains the same.
Love Him Where He Is and How He Is
If you were to ask your husband if he loves you just the way you are, he would probably say yes. As a woman that is such a comforting feeling, especially after having kids. Having kids does a lot to you and not just physically. Yet having the full support of our husbands is important. Yet, do we always support and love our husbands the same way? Or are we looking for the same man we married all those years ago?
It is always funny to me when I’m watching an argument between a couple on TV and the wife yells, “You are not the man I married!” It’s funny to me because no one ever stays the same, except God. Over time as we are truly seeking God and loving our husbands the way God has called us to, we should change. The light within us should shine a little brighter and the love we have for our husbands should increase. I thank God every day that I am not the woman Eric married all those years ago, and grateful he is not the same man I married either. Along with being thankful that he’s not the same man, I’ve also learned to not look for him to be someone else.
Stop Looking For Him To Be Someone Else
This can be a big one for some of us. We can often compare our husbands to others, knowingly and unknowingly. Whether that is to our dads, past relationships, friend’s husband, or a fictional character in a book or movie. Our husbands are not perfect and neither are we. So looking for him to be someone other than the man God created him to be is not healthy for your marriage and prohibits you from loving the man that he is. Loving the man that he is does not mean you do not support and help him to become better; because as our husband’s helpmate, that is one of the things God has called us to do. Yet, helping him to become better and trying to make him someone he is not are two different things.
Support His Dreams
Loving our husbands also means being their biggest cheerleaders. This may not always be easy, but it is necessary. Your husband needs to know at all times that you are for him, support him, and always in his corner. Taking the time to listen and understand your husband’s hopes and dreams is so important. Asking questions along the way for clarification not to criticize. As his wife, you are to be the one person who gets him when no one else does. Supporting and loving him where he is helps him to have the confidence to grow into the man God is calling him to be. In my marriage, I am Eric’s ‘Ride-or-Die’ and he is mine. He knows that without a doubt I am for him and beside him through all the things that life may and has thrown at us.
This thing called marriage is not easy, but nothing worth having ever is. So love the husband you have. Not the husband you had or not the husband you wish you had. So I’ll ask you again, ‘Do you love your husband?’
I love to hear your thoughts in the comments!